9:15 p.m., 2006-09-01
I'm sorry.
I know. I've tried to change. I'm still trying. Don't push me any further. I'm a slow person, you must have realized that. Time is what I need.
I guess I'm trying the old me. The one that lets everything pass. See, I'm always ruining things. I'd like to see things when I shut up. The less things I say, the more peace I'll get.
Tell you what's going on. Hmmm... That'll be awkward. What am I supposed to say? "Hi, um... do you mind if I talk with them?"
What am I trying to do exactly? Trying to find new friends? No. I just don't want to be blind, like I was with Amanda, no offence to her. You're at ease with other people. You can talk in comfort. So can Amanda, except she yaps on and on about oysters.
I guess I'm trying to improve my friends-making skills. I know, I sound like the PD teacher. But seriously, I really suck at talking to people.
Not many people are as close to me than they are to you. So many times I want to say something. Do something that would matter. Something. Anything. But I'm not that type of person. I can't unlock the comfort zone that people hide from strangers.
Please, don't shout at me again. I know you probably won't read this until too late. But just so that I know, I didn't want this. At least this time I didn't say it's not my fault. Becase it is. You might as well slap me in the face.
I'm not leaving. I'm not going. I don't think I ever will. I seriously have learnt from you. Just let me learn this way.