04:25, Tuesday, Sept. 25, 2012
I am so fucking stressed right now and now doesn't only refer to this very minute or just tonight, but also to every single moment since I can't remember to who knows when.
I can't sleep every other day, and on the days I do, I'm so fucking tired.
I don't even know why I'm is fucking stressed because I usually never get stressed because I do everything calmly even when I'm fucked.
I think because maybe I've been holding it in too long that its all finally exploding. It's not even that I have a sudden pile of work, it's all been gradual. I feel like there is so much I need to do. There is not going to be a day where I can just do nothing and plan nothing.
This week is meant to be my break and yet I can't relax at all. Maybe also because nothing--NOTHING--is going right for me right now. I am fucked for EVERYTHING and the future looks bleak as the desert.
My head hurts but my mind is restless. My eyes are tired but wide awake. The future is the worst. It's because I have no guarantee of anything, that I am so scared and tired and just stressed.
I just want to find a rich guy and settle down and become a housewife.
I am so stressed. So much to do. So little time. So much to think about. Stuff I can't leave for later. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck I can't sleep. Fuck it.
Perhaps soon I'll finally write down everything that has been bothering me for months. Soon. After some due stories. For now in going to get up and eat and watch some tv and wait for the sun to rise.