13:54, Monday, Sept. 03, 2012
Yesterday was Father's Day, although by the time I saw my dad the entire day was maybe at 8:30pm. Anyway, in the afternoon, my mother and brother got into a fight. A pretty bad fight.
My brother, who usually brushes things off, and creates a barrier where words just bounce off and don't get through (ignoring), this time exploded as if he was at his limit. Also, he was gaming pretty hard when my mother started talking, so that might be why.
Anyway my mother ended up crying and sought me (who had walked out of the room when it started) for comfort. And the weird thing is, I felt like laughing when she started crying. Which sounds like the craziest, most sadistic thing, I know.
I did pity her and would hate to have a son like my brother, and I would probably cry in her position too. But then as my mother's child, I also completely understand my brother's feelings. And then I wondered if the problem was my mother's personality, or my brother's, or a bad clash of both? Or is it something inevitable between child and parent?
Anyway the other thing is that I thought it was stupid to actually *cry* over such a thing, because it means your son's words have hurt you, which they shouldn't. You should also create this unbreakable barrier where words just get absorbed and disappear. But then I thought how I myself cried in the shower for two days straight over literally nothing except for an overwhelming feeling of sadness that encompassed me for no particular reason. And how I also cried an hour when I broke my camera, which is also pretty stupid. So I concluded that people cried over different things.
Anyway, sometimes I feel sorry for my mother, who occasionally wishes for some visible affection from her children, for us to show some love or fondness in a cute, sweet way. But something must be wrong because both my brother and I are not people who like to show their feelings openly. We're a little lacking in expression.
That actually might be alright for my brother, who is a bit of an asshole anyway, but I don't think that's alright for me because I just look like a retarded ungrateful bitch most of the time.