23:59, Saturday, Aug. 25, 2012
So it's a lot deeper than I thought, this sadness. If I had to explain it, perhaps the entry titled, 'the bottle' is a little related. I haven't done a lot of hings that I used to do so I'm still kind of lost. I think it's because I'm worrying too much. I don't post as much here as I used to, I'm not sure why. But as I read through some of the last entries, I don't think it matters because I've still written enough. All I have right now are worries.
Worries, worries, worries.
And I don't want to write it all down because I still don't want to admit them, or admit that these things have worried me. And the thing is, most of it is all in my head, and my actions. I wonder. If I tell someone, surely they'd scold me for worrying over such things. Or perhaps I'd end up worrying them as well.
I feel like, when all of the world is suffering silently and strongly holding out, I am just there thinking I am the only one alone. And this feeling of acting selfishly makes me even more sad.
I was quite noticeably sad for most of the day that I was awake today, which troubles me as well because ot's unfair on others. I wonder. I wonder. I wonder. I wonder if there's an end to this.