10:31 PM, Friday, Jul. 29, 2011
The fact that I'm doing better at advanced english than either of my maths subjects drives me fucking nuts. I feel as if my whole self as a person has switched an almost 360. I now suddenly find english essays so much easier and more likeable to write than doing maths homework. I haven't even done maths homework seriously since, I don't know, assessment 2?
Yeah so not doing anything in the holidays really screwed me up and now I'm fucked for trials, which is in a week's time. I mean, I still have to catch up with maths, let alone revising?? What the fuck is circular motion? Complex numbers? If I could do year 12 again, I would drop 4unit maths. Snap. Like that. Fast like it burns. Because I am so sure that shit is not going to count. Or my 3 unit now, since I suck shit at that too. And maybe extension history too.
I feel the need to shut myself in a closet and cry, cry like there's no fucking tomorrow, cry like I'm going to die at midnight, cry like someone paid me to, cry like no one can stop me. But like there's any place convenient to do that. I can't do shit. I can't do shit. I can't do shit.
You know I could have caught up with some stuff this week you know, after school. But no, I fucked myself up. I have to pull my weight. All those times I said I would, I ended up taking the easy and regrettable way out. I have to do this. I have to do this. I have to do this. I have to do this. Not just as a student, an asian daughter, etc. but as a fucking person.