10:27 PM, Friday, Jul. 16, 2010
Song for the moment:
"The Luckiest"
-by Ben Folds
(Ben Folds is awesome)
The lyrics are so beautiful, and you can really tell how awkward and sort of dorky or just the personality of the guy through this song. I thought it was a little repetitive at first, but then now I wish it were longer. It makes me so... well not exactly happy, or touching sad, or hopeful, or something like that. It's more like... the melody is so pretty and his voice and the way he sings it <3 Ergh I don't know how to describe it but THAT makes me happy. Indescribable things make you happy no? I'm actually currently considering it to be my wedding song haha.
Actually sometimes I think if we're looking too much to find happiness, to overcome sadness, to claw at the surface to be able to breath, then we're never going to actually enjoy life. If you say, the purpose of life is to be happy, does that mean, when you are not happy, for those every moments in between, your life has no purpose? Durhhhhhhh no. I mean, you can't be happy ALL THE TIME. But then again, you can't be sad every minute of the day. Sure life is the annoyingest fuck since it's with you the minute you're born to the day you die. But do we really need to be looking for something? Turn around and maybe you can see something in a different light.
I don't mean, just be satisfied with what you already have, because there is no way you can be satisfied with everything in life. One day, you might realize that you are actually really, really sad inside, that you find life completely pointless, and you're on the verge of climbing into a rocket that'll eject you into the oblivion of space. You might think about it, and that fact might drive you nuts, because you know so much, and yet you feel like a hole.
But when do we ever realize, we're happy? Those moments, let's say, when you're a crappy singer with shit ass guitar skills, yet when you play and sing alone in your room (or in the shower?) you sound like an absolute pop star.
Or when you're surrounded by countless pretty clothes with sale signs everywhere and all the time in the world just to be delighted and curious and imaginative.
Or when you stumble across a secret field that really IS secluded, and though you went through a maze to get there, you finally allow yourself to throw your arms out and scream and run around like an aeroplane even though you look like the silliest thing.
Yeah those moments. Do we ever dissect exactly why we're thinking and feeling that way? No we don't need to. We only need to analyse why we're sad.
If only we had minds like children again, and everything that happened just happened for no reason at all, it just happened. And we'd question it and question it, and we wouldn't find a thing, yet it wouldn't matter at all. Just like dreams, we'd just know things. With the smallest gifts of happiness to keep you busy, for example, say, an ugly hairclip a distant relative gave you.
Or strawberry scented chapstick that smelt really nice and edible.
Or your first christmas cards from your friends.
Or whistles you'd won at birthday parties' pass the parcel games.
Or Warner Brother's characters postcards you go as a freebie from the aeroplane trip last holidays.
And you'd tuck them all away in empty lolly boxes and mooncake boxes and stack them neatly in the drawer next to your bed, so that you would open them one day and realize how choc full of junk they really are, and then put them back in their places again for them to be unburied another day. Yes I've been having a good nostalgic rummaging.
Okay well this entry is sort of has no point and yeah but that's modernism for you. Stream of consciousness and the epiphany, yeah! You have no bloody idea how english has just popped up into ordinary conversation slash thoughts... Plus I feel weird if I haven't diary-ed after a while...