12:13 PM, Saturday, May. 08, 2010
I don't know what you're doing, I don't know what you aren't doing. At least make the effort, because I don't even know you anymore.
Are you ignoring me, avoiding me, or is it just we have nothing to talk about anymore? Why is it you always have something to say to everyone else, and yet you never say anything to me? Didn't we use to talk about nothing and everything, even running out of time to talk about these things? So what happened?
What is it? I can't believe all that time we spent mending what we had lost, becoming so close to each other, all that is gone. And it happened in a matter of moments. One day, I thought I still knew you, and the next, it's like you're a whole new person.
Maybe it's just me? Maybe I'm expecting too much? But why is it that you never share things with me? You don't even make the effort to do anything. It's like you no longer want to have anything to do with me anymore.
I never, ever, ever thought that this would happen to us. But somehow it has, and it's happening right in front of my eyes. I can barely grasp what has happened, and it's so hard to go back to what once was.
I know you will deny it.
You said we were drifting? I didn't realize it until afterwards. Is it my fault? But what did I do? Or is it that, I just haven't done anything?
We haven't done this cold/hot thing in a while. I've forgotten what if feels like. I don't really think this is the same exactly, but I know it is somehow. Because now instead of just ignoring me completely, you're just... treating me with apathy. Or something like that.
I want to grab your shoulders and shake you fucking silly, even thought I'll probably look like the crazy one. Why are you like this? Where have you gone? It's not just me, we never see you anymore. I don't know if I should be saying this, but what kind of friend are you?
I feel like, and I've felt this before, but it's so much more stronger now; I feel like you think you can drift around everywhere and put them first, because you think we're always going to be there when you come back. Do you have no pride or sense of belonging with us or something?
Where you always like this?
This is absolutely stupid, what I'm saying, but this is how I feel.
What do you think?
Hurry up and tell me.
Justify yourself.
Make me think differently.
I hate you so, so, so much right now.
I feel like everyone I get close with will disappear like you are doing right now.
I feel so alone and pathetic and sad.