9:31 PM, Saturday, Apr. 10, 2010
So yesterday I didn't end up going to Amanda's place, because I don't have her number. In my stress, I sought and found shelter with Joanna although her lazy ass convinced me to go all the way to her house. Oh well. Free pie. NomNomNom.
Talked, although quite random. Walked around the place, sat in her house, her backyard, her deck, pet her cat and talked. She said something about us losing our tight-ness that we had before. Are we? She says she's sad that we're not as close as we were last year, because we don't see each other anymore at school because of different classes and stuff.
Honestly? I'm quite happy where we are right now. I don't know if we're losing our tightness or whatever. I mean, we're still pretty comfortable and stuff and close. At least on my side. I think, she's just expecting more. But... I think I'm sort of annoyed at her right now. Only a bit. Because it's still heaps fun talking with her. Just...
I feel like she's walking all over me sometimes. Like she's not open for things that don't work for her. Like when I say something she doesn't like... it gets awkward for a second. Like the things she wants... some of it irritates me. Other times, it's as if she judges people... a bit too far. Like she gets surprised when people don't act predictably. That irks me.
I don't know if she knows about my diary. Probably by now, but it's re-locked again anyway so it doesn't matter. I don't know if she knows I read hers. I don't know.
Maybe it's because I feel like breaking out of who I was before. I used to be a dead follower, listen to whatever people say or tell me to do, always so easily influenced by what others say about me. But now I'm finding myself, and finding the things I like, and the things I believe and think. I used to really look up to Joanna, really think over what she used to say, used to think. But now I'm sort of sick of her attitude of hers, like she knows more than I do. Like she's better because of that.
It's a very small, small feeling, I get, like 0.5% of the time I'm with her, but it happens. And it's there. And I don't like it, but. I don't know. I feel like I should meet more people.
Okay well afterwards, since she lives near Hurstville, mum picked me up and drove me to Michelle's for dinner. The other kids (except Andy) apparently stole a trolley and wheeled themselves from the station to their place. Looks fun. But I don't like to see other people having fun, and joining them. It feels like I'm trampling on their joy, interrupting.
Night was okay. Got shot in the eye with their awesome nerf gun. Damn hurt like a bitch. No seriously, I'm saying it lightly now, but at the time, I wanted to shut myself in their bathroom and cry at the pain. My right eye was red swollen from the thing. But then I'd feel sorry for Michelle who I knew was feeling real bad for making the shot. And she didn't help me out with tissues and eye drops and stuff.
Andy's guitar is super awesome. It's like one of those acoustic ones that still plug into an amp. Maybe because it's the first guitar I saw close up after our one. It's so much more easier to play too, way more easier on the fingertips. But the tuning was sort of weird, because the strings sounded sort of out of it.
Then we sort of got pushed by Michelle to go to Youth (Carson's one) but turns out they went to Katoomba LOL so we just drove to Video Easy. LOL @ the dudes working there--epitome of video store workers. Sunfor wanted Mirrors, but Michelle and Sunray didn't, so we borrowed Dodgeball. Bleh.
Today we had yumcha at the same place we had dinner before. Michelle and Andy not there. Sort of pissed off at first so... well I'm glad I bonded with Sunray rather nicely in the end. Although I'm sort of paranoid now, that Sunfor and Michelle are so close. Irked. It was a bad goodbye, but yeah.
And so they left Sydney.