5:21 PM, Sunday, Dec. 06, 2009
I wish I had talent.
No, really, don't go on about me being negative. It's true. I'm not putting myself down or anything, I'm just stating the facts.
Like I have some 'skills' I guess, like I don't know... playing piano? But it's not a talent because I'm not good at it naturally, I wouldn't be any better than another person who finished 8th grade half-heartedly.
What else... Well I'm in Sydney Girls right, so I must be smart? Is that a 'talent'? I don't believe it much. Because our school is barely any different from others, except that we're more asian. We're actually much more lenient.
And I'm not really good at any subjects... it's not really talent, it's just studying and winging it on exams. Yeah, like 'study skills' is just a skill.
I can't sing, I can't dance, I can't cook, etc. Is it only because I haven't learn it? Well I can't say it'd go very well even if I did have skills. Skills is measured by experience and education. Talent is natural.
I think I'll just be one of those average people who go through life that always depend on one's past to measure how successful I am. Ordinary life is rather ordinarily boring isn't it? I'm probably like 5 billion other people in the world. I just haven't met one yet, or gotten close to one. Or maybe I have, and I'm just too blinded by my own narcissism.
But isn't it a paradox how we don't appreciate what we have, and we always want something else? Yeah. Because we've only experienced one side of things, so how are we to say which side is better? We always want to go to the other side, somewhere new, and even though it might be a little fucked up, it still feels good to be different.
I don't know what you're thinking about, or if you know what I'm thinking about, but I know what I'm thinking about.
I hate to wait for others, and yet, aren't I just doing that? Waiting for someone else to start a conversation, something else to happen to me, somebody to do something to me?
EERGHHHH I'M SUCH A CHICKEN AND I HATE IT!!!!!!!!!
How to fix this problem?? ==" *sigh*