5:32 PM, Thursday, Mar. 19, 2009
Yah.
So for careers yesterday, we had one of those computer tests things right?
For what type of job, I got arts and creative and literature as number 1. I went back to change literature down and practical replaced it as tied number 1. Wtf.
Scientific came last. It's not like I don't like that type of stuff... mostly... it's just that i really can't see myself doing it for the rest of my bloody life. Way too boring and meaningless for me.
Then there was the value test in which I sped through because of lack of time.
Karen, for number 1, got status and something else.
Joanna got relationships with other people in the workplace?
And I got wealth as my most valued thing. Last I had authority ha. Close to the top I had originality, environment (of the workplace) and yeah. Social being of others came a little in the middle but it's not that I don't like helping people, its just that i KNOW i'm shit at doing stuff and i'll probably make them feel worse. Or they'll just feel like they're communicating with a brick wall or something.
Ha. Wealth. Can you believe it?
I sound like such a golddigger, money grubber, etc...
But truth is? I am. I want a job where I can get anything I want. Or at least, most of the things. I'm not... yeah or anything (or maybe I am?), just, I love the feeling of having money to but things. Meaningless things. Anything actually. I just want to have enough money where I don't have to feel so conscious about how much I spend. YOu know, money tight.
You know, I thought things over. Sometimes, I think I would be a golddigger if I had not shame/pride or if I were more wild or whatever. What do I say about rich boyfriends that spend loads of money on you just because they're your bf?
I feel uncomfortable.
I may be greedy and money-loving but i have morals too you know. I don't like using people's money, especially taking advantage of them. I hate the feeling of debt, especially after which would probably come if I were to break up with him.
Because I don't want someone who will dote on me if I'm just with them for money. It's cruel and wrong and fucking demeaning.
I'll start only using (some of) his money after I've become close with them. Like this close *cross fingers*.
If someone were to pay me for being a gf or something like that of COURSE i wouldn't do it. Dude, just thinking about doing something like that makes me feel like a freaking slut/whore/hoe.
The only other solution is if some random rich guy won't like me, and I won't like him, but he'll let me use his money anyway. Get me? Like, friends with benefits, but money-wise. Only, he probably wouldn't get ANY benefits from dating me. Meh. This sounds more like a fanfic I might write sometime in the future though, than reality.
I'm thinking about this way too much.
Anyway I still have to repeat this:
I'd probably be a golddigger, if I had no shame/pride and if I didn't care about what others thought of me. Of what my friends and family would think of me. Of what I would give an image of to the freaking world I live in.