7:22 p.m., 2006-10-19
You know, at the beginning of the year, it was just Lauren, Amanda, Joanna and me. Slowly me and Joanna were breaking away. Melanie joined us. Then Joanna broke her bridge first and for the longest. I was next. Melanie left for Bronwyn's group with Jenny. And Lauren moved a little to their group too, with Amanda tagging along.
It used to be always us together, whether for the Shakespeare play or for group projects. We always stuck together. And now? When the teacher asks to form groups for projects, Lauren and Amanda are usaully together in Bronwyn's group or something. Joanna, well she can almost go wherever she wants. She's good with that kind of stuff. And me? I get stuck in the left overs if no one asks me.
Joanna. She's changed alot since the beginning of this year. She's more organised. She's more smarter. Her test results are getting better and better.
But what about me? Yeah, I've changed. I'm way more worse than I was before. My school life isn't going well. I haven't changed a bit even if I was meant to learn something. What the hell?
Friends. I wish I had someone, at least one friend who would listen to me. Someone who won't talk too much and interrupt. Someone who knows when to stop. Who won't punch me for doing things that they are doing more.
I wish I had a friend that knew me as I would know them. We'd share and help. With great and alike minds. I don't like to study without someone else and usually, most people can study alone.
But of course, I'm being selfish. I should just make friends with everyone and keep stuff that no one knows to myself. I should just be like Joanna. She has one first conversation with someone and she can analyse them like a computer and then say something that would keep them interested. I wish I could do that. But I can't talk.
No one ever listens to me. I know alot of stuff about other people. More than they know about me. And when I get carried away they tell me to stop or something like that. Look at Amanda, she talks way more than anyone on the planet.
My friends are close. In front of my parents, I can do everyday stuff, so they know simple stuff about me. But my friends usually know more about me than my parents do. They know what I like, what I want, who I am and what I do. But I've never had a friend so close that I would tell them absolutely everything. I don't think many people do. People like Joanna, I guess, always have something to hide. But others like Lynn and Bronwyn tell everything about themselves.
No one knows me. Now, I'm not being selfish again, and I don't need Joanna to shout at me again. I mean, I'll ask a very close question and they'll probably say, "But you never mentioned that!" or something. Sad.
Oh yes, and Joanna's language and behaviour is having an effect on me. I'm starting to use the word disturbing and I'm poking my cheeks when I'm bored. So is Diana's cheeky behaviour. I caused so much trouble in French yesterday.