21:02, Monday, Jul. 06, 2015
I've been running away from everything I knew I had to face eventually. I've been putting it away for another day, for another me to handle, hoping that the future me will be finally good enough to handle it.
But of course, there's no better time than now. No well, the best time was 10 years ago, but the next best time is now. I feel like I've been worrying and worrying this entire time, when really I hadn't even been worrying about the right things. And I've always known this.
I think the real question is: what is it that I want? Who is it that I want to be? There is no one answer. I don't understand.
I've been fucking myself over. I've been following the wrong people? But those are the people I'd chosen to follow? I shouldn't be following people anyway. Can't I just think and do for myself?
God what am I doing. What is life. Ugh.
I think maybe possibly I've lost a creative outlet, hence stressing a shittonne more. I'm fucked. Fuckkedddd I tell ya.
I don't know how people do it. It hurts a lot. I don't want to go on. I don't know what will happen. I can't imagine anything happening. I don't think I'll ever be satisfied because I'm always chasing after something else/running away from reality.