17:24, Saturday, Jan. 24, 2015
I've been 20 for less than a month now, and I already feel like it's the beginning of a noticeably different era.
I'm doing more things that used to feel like horrible terrible chores to me. Now they're just relaxing to do, and if I don't do them, I feel uncomfortable. I have this ever existing need to clean and get rid of old things. I'm actually interested in cooking now, which is probably the strangest thing, since I had absolutely no and even negative interest in it before.
I'm graduating from a lot of my old clothes, and even though I still appreciate certain styles, they've sort of been swept aside to the just look don't touch part of my mind. I'm more into quality than quantity, basics than unique pieces, durability than style, etc. I feel a little sad though, because, that phase is passing, yet I was never really able to obtain it while I was in it.
My break feels long and relaxing, because I feel restless now and do the things I need to do straight away. I'm trying hard to get into routine and it's worked better than it has in years. Though I wonder how it'll last when semester starts.
I think it's really a sign of growing up and taking up responsibilities and changing values and all that jazz. It feels strange how it's just happened naturally and gradually though with momentum, without my parents or friends pushing me to do it. I guess people do just learn to grow up by themselves.
Sometimes other people are so far ahead on the far side over the wall across the sea; I wish I could just get there faster, I wish they would just wait for me. But other times it feels like I just wish all these people would grow up and get over here on this other side which I've finally crossed to. Mostly because most of my friends are sheltered simpletons without a single care in the world. And mostly I know to be patient because everyone's in all these different places and you can't push people or pull them or whatever. But I feel tired sometimes, is all.
So sometimes I just want to get away. Being with you too long makes me impatient. I perpetually need more space and time from people, and I feel pretty slack and antisocial and devolved.
New things to
- Be more patient
- Be less tired, more energetic
- Stop holding back
- Stop waiting
Sort of things I've had trouble with since the day I opened my eyes on this earth, but whatever, I'm getting there.