21:27, Wednesday, Mar. 20, 2013
Got fired from work today.
Boss called at 3 to ask me to come to work because Man had to go to hospital and I said no because my mum has been super strict as about working more than I'm supposed to, and because she said she could call an ambulance. One hour later, she texted me to fire me, because she thought I was being insincere towards the restaurant even though she was paying me. And because she thought I wanted to sleep more.
When I read it, I was laughing. It was the most stupid, unreasonable reason, and if that's the way she wants to act then so be it. But finally it hit me, and I realised how hurt and pissed I was. I cried for 2 hours. I couldn't believe she thought I wasn't being kind towards them, even after working with her for one year.
I have done so much for her and the shop, put work in front of my friends, my school work, my social life, sacrificed a lot just to work for her and that apparently didn't mean anything. She didn't even ask why I couldn't come, and assumed because I was being lazy, and fired me. I was so incredibly angry and hurt because I thought we had had a close relationship.
I understand now that I should have gone to help if such hospital-related emergencies occur, but to let me finish like this is so incredibly unprofessional, to let personal matters interfere with the business. She betrayed my trust towards her, and I don't think I can ever feel the same towards her and man as I used to.
I also understand that she was probably stressed and nervous at the time, but I can't say that I was totally in the wrong, or guilty of everything she accused me of. I don't feel sad about losing the job, but I feel sorry for not being there for man, and more importantly, I feel sad that we had to end like this.
To finish unpeacefully is regretful but I would not be able to back. I still feel affection towards them and the restaurant, but she has hurt me so much and treated me as if I were her servant that should do everything she needs, that I don't think I can see them again normally.
I have thought about it a lot, and I was wrong to not help, but I have never been insincere, or unkind, or selfish towards them and if they think I was acting like that because of this, I no longer have any trust or respect for them as people anymore. Now I understand what all the past workers have been saying about their attitudes.
Do I seem like the type of person who would choose sleep over a person's life? Do I look like the kind of person who doesn't give a shit about people I've worked with for a year? I gave me heart on a platter and they cut it to pieces before throwing it back.
I am only 18, I still live and depend on my family, I have study commitments, and just like she put her family first, I will always put my family first. And to say that I should return kindness because she pays me! Money cannot buy kindness. You can pay people money and they will work for you but they don't have to be kind. I have worked my ass off for them, listened to them, followed them, and I have not done it for the money for a long time. I don't need the money. So why did you have to bring up the money.
So to conclude, I am wrong in one aspect, but I don't believe what she fired me over was right or fair. I don't think I can ever forgive this, although I can forget.
I want to say, you can never find someone who works as good or as hard for like I do. As a business owner, you have lost a great asset, as a leader, you have lost someone's respect and admiration, and as a person, you have lost a friend.
Afterwards, however, I feel a little relieved. I have nothing to worry about anymore, I understand what Jar said now. This is a chance to renew my life and set it back to normal. If I had never finished this way, perhaps I would have never left out of comfort.
Things happen for a reason.
I will start again tomorrow.
It took about 5 months to forget about Joanna, so I'll be right by August.