17:41, Wednesday, Jul. 11, 2012
I know if I think about it too much, or even just think about it for a little while, doubts will creep in like duplicating bacteria and I'll just suffocate under it all. I don't want to think about 'what if' this happens, 'what if' that happens, because either way, the future looks bleak, and the past will become a accumulated period of regret.
Fuck, I don't want to think about it.
If it turns out to be a mistake, I'd rather find out about it when it happens, and not have these wavering feelings even before it may or may not happen. Because even if I turn out to regret it later, at least I enjoyed it while it happened.
This is why I hate people who remind me about these things. Why. Do you do things. When you obviously have not thought about the consequences. Or other people's feelings. Fuck. You.
And you know what else I hate. People who (try to) guilt you into doing things. Usually it doesn't matter, it's the fault of my own bendable personality. But sometimes they think going beyond all reason, all sensibility, all understanding, everything you say, is ok. But it's not.
Why. Should I do something for you. That requires me to lose so much. How. Could you ask for that. And the worse thing is that you don't even realise that I'll be in the process of sacrificing something of mine just to do what you want. As if you are the only person in the universe.
And you know what else I hate. People who can't trust others. People who see one action, and brand that person with that one action. People who don't understand that a person learns from their mistakes. We. Are. Not. Stupid. People who don't put their trust in others, even though maybe half the time minor shit screws up, will not live a happy life. They will be stressed the fuck out, always. Why would you choose to do that to yourself.
In other news, I am sleeping 13 hours a day, reading online fiction, glued to my phone, becoming more like a sloth each day, playing 8tracks ALLLLLLL day (ALL day), getting irritated at everything and everyone and trying so hard to soak it all up, eating fuckloads, and craving company.
*Blasts 80s music