22:38, Sunday, May. 13, 2012
Missing him tonnes and I don't know why.
I think it's because his absence makes things uncertain for me and I start thinking too much and feelings exaggerate and shit like that. And all I can remember is that day and nothing from before and I keep going through the photos on my phone even though they weren't like that.
But I like it. I like missing him, I like feeling sad and thinking about him a lot (not a good thing though) and I feel like I like him more now than I did when he was here, which only reconfirms to me that this is all a false illusion to myself. But oh well, I like it.
Plus I'm at work almost every day of the week so I can't not think of him.
It's just, I can't help thinking: what if? What if?
Because I imagine that things just won't be the same anymore and all I have is the past and past memories, but they're still so freshly baked that my mind has hardly recognised that they're not the present anymore.