23:51, Sunday, Jan. 22, 2012
Stuff happens, and you don't expect it at all.
And it's like, what the hell have I been doing all this time?
What is it I need?
You know I've figured it out actually, that it all comes down to this:
You have one single moment to decide whether you'll do it, or whether you won't. Making either decision takes the same amount of effort, let's say roughly half a pound. If you look further back, even just a tad, for a mere millisecond, you'll see that one side will seem more attractive than the other. And it's not false, although it is a facade.
So don't. Don't look any further. Two choices. Pick the right one, not the one you think is right, but the one you know is right. Like I said, it takes half a pound of effort. Don't look back, but most of all, don't look forward, because seeing the loose, shaky unknown is way more terrifying than seeing the loss of the comfortable and familiar.
Just look only when you really need to, because ignorance is bliss. The rest will just follow from there. Don't think about it, but don't ignore it entirely either. Honestly, the beginning is the hardest (well so is the end, but the end is always sure to come, unlike the beginning which may never come). So really, *uncertainty* doesn't lie in the future, or in leaving the past behind. It's a single point on the line where you are forced to choose. And the decision only becomes hard to make when you think about anything beyond that point.
I imagine it's like walking on a tightrope. Don't look back at where you left from, nor at where you want to end up. The whole journey to the other side is going to be fucking hell, so just look at where your foot is going to land next. I hope that makes sense.
Although this only applies to the decisions that are made on your own. Decisions made by others, and only others, are an entirely different matter. But it's funny, I don't seem to have much problem accepting those.