13:11, Monday, Jan. 09, 2012
I'm afraid. This is the one thing I've felt consistently this month, and will continue to feel all throughout the year. I am afraid, and confused, and unsure, and unready, and lost. I need all this time away from everyone, from the outside world, literally outside my house, but I don't think it will really make a difference once I have to face it all again. I'm trying to escape it, but I can't, because it's not something to escape from.
Alice in Wonderland 1951 cartoon:
Doorknob: Sorry. You're much too big. Simply impassable.
Alice: You mean impossible.
Doorknob: No, impassable. Nothing's impossible.
Anyway I finally made a new layout! Yes! Finally! I've been wanting a Times New Roman fonted layout for ages and I've finally found a way to go about it. Plus, yet again, a new layout signifies a new self, and finally, finally, I've discovered new things to love, and you can see a glimpse of what they are in the new layout.
I feel the things I'm interested in right now, sort of resemble who I was a long, long time ago, way back in primary as a child. This annoys me in some ways, but I'm mostly quite amused by it, because it gives me hope that I might be finally settling for something I genuinely am, instead of for something I'm fleetingly attracted to due to its dark allure and promise of something new and hipster. That probably doesn't make sense.
So anyway, new music. Of my 6 new songs: 4 are asian instrumentals, one is Japanese, and one is SNSD. All asian, but oh well. I like instrumentals because this is what you have when words fail. I like asian songs because, well I'm asian, and because in a language I can't understand, I choose it solely on sound and feeling and whatever else there is.
I like songs that tell a story. I like songs that slow things down, and take you away somewhere unimaginably beautiful. Ones that you can listen to at any time of the day, when you're sad, happy, angry or feeling nothing at all. All my songs are perfect for a certain time of the day, for a certain type of moment, like my own life's soundtrack. They're accompaniments, not as songs, but as something that is always with you?
Anyway it's hard to explain, so here's my most played song, arguably my most favourite:
Starting with this entry, I will try to stop beginning sentences with 'I think.'