10:38 PM, Saturday, Nov. 12, 2011
I have confidence issues and I think my parents are one long term factor of this.
Recently, very often, my mother tells me to lose weight because I'm fat.
And my father tells me to practice walking because my knees and legs aren't straight.
I feel like I can't sit down in a room without someone fucking saying something that is telling me to stop what I'm doing and change who I am.
Fuck.
I hate the way my father uses a round-about way of talking. He goes, have you drank your milk yet? When I obviously haven't. If you want me to drink the milk, just tell me to, because I'm just going say 'No,' and ignore you. He goes, didn't you say wouldn't read manga after HSC? Well I did say something like that, thanks for being reminding me for the fifth time, but here I am reading manga again, what do you want me to do you little fuck???
Why am I so angry?? Why the fuck can I not be angry??? Why can you be sensitive about some issues, but you can never fucking be attuned to what I'M fucking sensitive about??
How are you even people??? Is what I really want to say. Because for me, people have tact, sensitivity, straightforwardness and honesty to people they're close with. But with these guys, its like the opposite. And the shittiest thing is they don't even fucking realise it.
I know I'm not the worst one off out there but I can't handle it and it's this shit that I hate the most in the world.
I think it's because my parents as people, are the type of people I hate, and would avoid any association with. But then again, that's a lot of the world. And I can't be picky blah blah blah acceptance, taking for granted, fuck, I'm really pissed right now, and I sound like another fucking raging teenager but fuck. I have confidence problems ok???