10:25 PM, Sunday, Jan. 16, 2011
Just some stuff:
Doing absolutely no homework whatsoever. I know, I am so fucked, I should have started doing everything ages ago. I have so much work now to cram in these next two weeks, but I've got 9 hours at work, loose night times on youtube. I'm procrastinating everything, I have absolutely nothing to do on the computer, but I'm still trying to avoid working even though I am already so fucked. I'll start Tuesday night, I'm going to lock up my net and block all those distracting sits. Wish me luck. Goddamnit, my chrome crashed again, that should be a sign to study! Fuck, what am I doing with my life.
I have been skipping out on washing my hair every other day like I'm supposed to. So maybe every three or four days I'll wash it, depending on if I'm going out or staying at home. It's pretty gross, but I clip it up most of the time, and sometimes, the extra dirtiness actually does give some shape and style, so I shouldn't diss RP so much lol.
I haven't been going out at all, but I'm sure you know that already. I really can't afford to right now though, so tomorrow will be my last time. I'll be going for 'dance' with the crew, pressured in by Mika, fuck what a waste of my time and money. Also going to be fucking embarassing doing it at talent quest (?) but I can't back out without being an ass. Fuck seriously. But I don't hate it.
I've been swearing quite a lot lately. Aloud around people I shouldn't swear around. Well I usually swear a lot normally, in my head, in this diary, and when I'm with close friends, I'm like a cuss word pitching machine. However, since hearing all these people swear in the workplace (will talk about later maybe), well, I suppose it's a bad influence.
OH! I have such bad nights sleeping these couple of weeks. I don't know if it's because of having to wake up early for work, but I don't think it's just that. My body clock is screwed up. I can't sleep until past one, but I get up by myself pretty early like before nine. Thank god for this beautiful song which gets me falling into the land of the unconsciousness after just three repeats:
I don't really like Iron and Wine, but his songs just grow on you. Especially this one. Listening to it at night in darkness on your bed and it will literally whisk you away. I would have watched Twlight properly if I knew this song was in it, so I could've found it earlier. Yes it's from the Twilight soundtrack, lol.
I'm thinking way too much over these random ideas, these projects, that I really want to do now. I have no idea why, but this is a pretty bad time to do hobbies and shit (I should be studying). Stuff I'm looking forward to doing/attempting are: Pim's birthday video, a time capsule letter to send to yourself at the end of the year for the school folks, train hopping, painting something on canvas, drawing and writings things with a black inky pen (sort of trying that now). Which reminds me.
I want a tattoo. I always sort of would have liked one but was too chicken, afraid of what people would think/say and afraid if I'll regret it in the future. But last night (during insominia) I just randomly wrote the literally most insane and mental thing about getting a tattoo, becoming bulimic, suicidal, start smoking, having a boy kiss my neck, and all for the sake of appearing 'ghostly' beautiful. Yeah I know, it's pretty fucked up, and it doesn't make sense, but they're real thoughts. And I think those crazy people who act on these thoughts should be acknowledged as more brave rather than crazy. But still pretty crazy. The point is, I want a tattoo, and it's because I managed to convince myself into getting one (fuck my parents, and everyone else) and I know exactly where I'll put it, I just don't know what it'll be, but that's the fun part.
Loves: The Kooks & Belle and Sebastian.
Suck me. Fuck me. Haha.
I think I want a friendacquaintance to have insane conversations with, like what I just mentioned. Someone I don't have to care for, but just to vent something together we know is impossible. Note, venting about impossibilities, NOT philosiphical DnMs. Lol. Maybe it's because no matter how much shit I write or type, I wanna talk with someone just to know I'm not the only fucked up one.
Fuck how did it get to this, I swear this entry just spiralled into fuck.