12:51 PM, Saturday, Sept. 04, 2010
Long time no see. And though I'm a tad ashamed not to have written in here earlier, I guess I needed the break. As with the break from Tumblr, Lookbook, Facebook and Mangafox and stuff like that.
Lookbook has become and open site and I'm more sad for that I can no longer put looks on my tumblr while I hype. And I can't seem to help thinking that everything on it is not all that great, in fact I can hardly see what I saw in it before. Tumblr too feels like a bloody chore now and none of the pictures that gave me a feeling of enlightenment, enlighten me anymore. Hence, another waste of my time/life. Manga gives me a headache.
Anyway, in the past two and a half weeks, I haven't done anything else I've wanted to do. I haven't tried to fix things like I said I would do. I've spent so many uneasy thoughts on it, but I really can't be bothered. But as much as I want to leave things as they are and just ignore it and run away, I know I don't want to do that. In the end, I want to remove this uncomfortable grey lump in my life. So if I haven't done or at least tried something by Thursday, you know I'm a scared, lazy idiot.
I have been reading this Harry Potter fanfic that Joyce told me to though, since last Sunday, and I've been reading it all bloody day because it has enraptured me with its awesomeness. Lol. And so I've neglected much study and homework (e.g. last minute 1500 word modern essay in 3 hours, yeah! :D)
All the time nowadays, I am sleepy, tired, dazed, filled with hate, annoyed, sad, thinking too much. I think I need glasses and I'm going deaf. Absolutely nothing feels the same as before, and all these "sanctuaries" I've kept to indulge in are loads of shit now. And you know it's like an endless cycle of waking up, waiting, smiling, cramming, eating and sleeping again. I hate school so fucking much. It's all become a fucking blur. It's like I have no control over my life.
We have 120 GBs a month now instead of 20, and I can say it's a waste of money since we're so not used to having so much, but whatever. Now I can download shitloads of music <3
Sophie Madeleine is one fucking talented girl :) And I've got this whole list of wonderful songs to download and I've hardly had time to listen to good new music garrghgh I'm so excited :DDD
Damn I swear I'm going crazy. I've had at least several fits which have involved me singing every song off the top of my head and then making alarm/siren noises and then having like a fucking seizure. And then other times I'm randomly crying bucket loads with a straight face, and I'm sure my brother caught me last time although he didn't say anything.
But don't let this get to you, it doesn't happen as much now, because I've got tones of stuff to do (music, fanfic, fixing Pim's blog). Most of the time I'm just tired of everything.
Yes, I need a new goal.