7:02 PM, Saturday, Mar. 20, 2010
Feeling bitter at the moment.
I don't know whether it's because of this afternoon, or because of my parents ignorance pushing me even further into my pissed mood, or the fact that I can't do anything online on my favourite lazy day because of our chat internet plan. Maybe all of it together.
At times like this, which hasn't happened in a while now. Or at least, as far as I can remember, which isn't far at all. At times like this, I feel like doing something like... BAM. Something out of the ordinary. Or something cliche that all stupid teenagers get into.
Like, gangs, or fighting, or kill someone, or do drugs, or become a slut, or fuck up my life or something like that. I know I shouldn't be taking any of those things lightly, but there is a reason why people are drawn to these things. And the stupid ones are the most common after all.
I once told Pim, I would love to speed, and drag race, and street race at 1am in the morning. Not to be cool, not to be part of the crowd, not to experience the wild side. Just because, I wanted to feel the thrill, the danger, the adrenaline pumping inside.
I once told Ticky (last night), that I sometimes feel like cutting myself. Not because I'm super depressed in that way, and want to hurt myself. But just because I want to know what the pain feels like, what it's like to cut open someone's skin. But I don't, because I don't want to have the scars on my skin.
I'm so sick; I feel like laughing at myself. In a sickly way... Ergh.
Anyway point is, it's all true. I'm fucked up. Real messed up. Argh. Insecure. Possessive. Twisted. Self-hating. Pissed to the max. Feel like screaming, but I don't know how to scream. Feel like punching someone, but I don't know how to punch. Feel like thrashing my room, but too weak to do a shit.
There are times in life, when I get highs and lows. When I'm happy, it's like WOOO~ GOOD MORNING SUUUUN-SHIIIINE~ and when I'm falling into like a giant gaping hole with an endless supply of shooting arrows aiming for my chest, it's like, not cool.
Bitter & bored is not a good combination. Although the words sound nice together, it is DEFINITELY NOT cool.