5:13 PM, Thursday, Feb. 25, 2010
I felt rather depressed today as I got home. I don't know. It was a great day, better than it started out. At least, I think it did.
Don't laugh at me. I know being depressed is such an overexaggerated word but really, I think I'm tapping into it. And it's not unusual, I mean stats say almost everyone gets it at some time yeah?
Well, I guess I can't really describe this feeling otherwise. I feel sort of sad, but I don't know why, and I feel angry and moody and I feel like crying, just because.
It's happening more often this year. I wonder why. It's so weird. Maybe because I can't be satisfied with just being me.
I have visions, like everyone else, of a scene, an image, of how I would be like if life turned out differently. This certain one, is if I went to the local high school with all my primary friends.
I see myself so happy, simply content, like I was in primary. On facebook, they look like such wonderful people, they have parties without alki, they dress freaking neon for gods sake.
In my alternate life, I break down and cry in happiness and hug them and tell them that they're such great friends. But they are, aren't they?
I think I'd be happy, unknowing, yet still growing. I wouldn't be stuck in this overly superficial school. No offence. You know, almost all the anglos in our grade are into that alki, partying stuff.
What happened to in between? Of the fluro colours, the simple games at lunch and recess, of massive amounts of blowing bubbles?
I guess I want to cry because that's all I ever wanted. I grew up with them, and so I guess I want to continue to grow with them. I'm accustomed to it. It's... so... I want it.
Argh I'm being ungrateful and spoilt again. I should stop checking out facebook photos and comparing myself to dream worlds. I think talking to Pim about how sad we are is only making us feel worse too. NTS: change that.
Sort of like Utopia, you know, my theory, how, if you don't know what else you could be having, you are content with what you already have? Yeah. I could be in Utopia, if I wasn't always looking at everyone else.
On the other hand... I know Gordon checks me out ;D
And... Wennie is the funniest girl I've met since Esther.