4:52 PM, Friday, Oct. 30, 2009
I should get a written diary. Then I could keep it forever and look back and stuff. But then I'd have nothing to do here. And writing is so tiring. Typing is so much more faster so I can express stuff so much more faster. So.. bleh.
Lauren has the cutest guy-life ever. It's ever so cute, she likes people, people like her. She can play around. They talk about stuff and don't diss each other (that much) about it.
Sometimes I get so, so bloody sick when Shelley or someone disses someone else for doing something, COMPLETELY NORMAL, like putting on make up, being lame, being stupid, screwing up her life. And then she's ALWAYS there to make fun of them. Sure, it's real funny sometimes, but other times it's like, you do it, you fucking hypocrite, so stop dissing us.
Don't get the wrong idea though, I love Shelley, she's so funny. But she's kinda a cool extremity I guess. We're all extremities :)
And I dislike it when people diss Shelley for doing things that don't fit her 'image.' I always knew Shelley studied alot, she's so fucking smart as if she doesn't. And it's not weird that she does. We got to SGHS for gods sake. And so she's girly on the inside, WHAT CAN YOU EXPECT? SHE'S A GIRL.
I hate it when people think that one isn't capable of change. You think it's 'weird' that Shelley wants make up, lip gloss, wears girly clothes, takes luvos? It's all part of change. You think she can't grow up from year 7? So she's forced into this freaking 'cool,' aloof, boy-ish image? Sometimes I know, I just know, that she hides her girliness because of what other's expect of her.
I get really pissed when people find it strange that someone gets unpredictable. So we have to be predictable all our lives? Without change? I hated when the twins always asked me where Tiffany was, early this year. I'm not even in any of her classes this year. So I just fucking 'know' where she is?? What am I, fucking psychic?? We're not even as close as we were before.
I guess the reason why I always stick up for when Shelley gets dissed for her girliness, or something like that, is because I copped it too. Not as much, but still, it's bloody annoying. So what if I like short skirts, looking at guys, looking hot, etc? I'm a girl. It happens to everyone, even if you won't admit it. This is why sometimes I hate our group for not changing, and they pull the rest of us with them. Not that I blame them. I guess it can't be helped.
At least most of us are going formal. And Shelley is DEFINITELY gonna have a super girly nice expensive dress with the whole make-up face and heels and stuff, and people are going to be like, OMG Shelley! *Sigh
I think thats why I've always bonded best with Pim, and then Shelley was so easy to get with. Because we all know about these things, so we can talk about them freely to each other, without the hassle of judgements from others? I can talk to JoT ok as well, although only half as much as I do with Pim because she's definitely not as shallow. And I feel so hisitant with Ticky sometimes, because last time I got into the whole looks thing, she was like, Wth, stop caring about what you look like.
Well sorry but I can't help but care.
I know Ticky's less close with me because of Shelley, and I'm a tad bit sad for that, but I can understand. Because by meeting Shelley, she met someone way more cooler, more sarcastic, etc. and therefore becoming more aware of how annoying I was. I know she gets annoyed about how weird, cheap, loser-ish, petty, superficial, shallow, dumb, stupid, un-cool I am.
Well I'm sorry I can't keep up with what you wanted. Sorry I just had to get annoying, but what can I do. I hate it how she randomly gets so aloof and distanced when I mention something, that is slightly lame, but I'm excited about. I hate it when people go: "So..? *rolls eyes*" in the extremely I-don't-want-to-listen-to-you voice.
I hate it when you ignore me fully, even if you don't like it, think its lame and shit, I feel so crap when one of the people I expect to at least listen to what I'm saying, doesn't even give a shit. I know you hate it when I do it to you, so fucking chill man.
But seriously, don't take it to heart. If someone made Ticky cry I'd punch them.
But anyway yeah, I know Ticky and JoT get annoyed at me ALOT sometimes, especially when I say something... annoying. But I've never actually remembered Pim getting annoyed at me. Fully. Except for that one time where I went too far. But she's never actually been, annoyed at me. Openly.
I think it's why I can accept her in whatever form she chooses. Because she's already accepted me.
Anyway, back to Lauren (lol). So much happens to her while she's in the shorts. So much happens when she's NOT int he shorts. I'm so scared that when I get them, nothing will happen. I'll ruin all the magic because I'm never that interesting.
I don't interact. I avoid all contact. I stay inside. I glare at strangers. I ignore anyone. I put on a don't-fuck-with-me face whenever I'm alone. Ii'm not a people's person like the other three. I'm not that lucky either.
I just hope I won't disappoint them.