4:46 PM, Friday, Nov. 28, 2008
hey there.
last update: 63 days ago. about two months. well at least its now three.
i've been meaning to write an entry for a while. a long, long while. so much stuff just happened and i remember planning everything i was going to write in my head.
but even though i always think of diaryland, in the moment, of what's happening, i always forget when i'm at home, in fornt of the computer.
hmm... but that's not the point.
something happened today that was worth me making an effort to add into here.
and that is...
ME AND JOANNA MADE UP.
XD
wasn't really made up. i FINALLY had the determination and persistance and LUCK to finally talk to joanna.
like i've been trying for the past three terms - but she's either always talking to others, i lose motivation or something like that.
at the start of this week, i said to myself, ok, its either this week or next year, and i really didn't/don't want to drag it out that long. deadlines work.
so anyway - all that fear i had since year seven - about how i thought joanna hated me and was full on pissed at me - it was all bullshit. she actually sounded like she was expecting the moment, prepared for it, and she actually sounded nice (no offence)
so we talked. she told me she forgot the reason why she didn't talk to me. she forgot. i can't tell if thats the truth or not. she asks if i remembered. of course i don't - i didn't start it.
she said the only reason why it lasted so long, is because neither of us ever said anything, and she never had the courage to say anything to me, thinking i must've hated her by now.
sporry but i have to say this: W. T. F. no way. i always thought she'd be the person to be headstrong, stubborn, just saying it out aloud in their face like she told me to do. i person more likely to hold grudges than be afraid.
i guess i don't know joanna anymore.
which is really sad, considering we were so close in year 7. seirously. i feel really bad not to talk to her earlier.
i've grown. i 'knew' her before i started this phase of studying everyone i knew/met. i think that's a bit why i don't know her that well. i can't really see through her that well. not as well as i can see through pim and ticky anyway. not that i'm saying i can......
so we sat in front of that "zefron<3" door just like old times. yeah, i know we both remembered it even though neither of us said anything.
we talked a bit restricted-ly like in books and stuff. (her brother made it into sydney tech!!!!! and wants to be fob like eatrend!!!! =O)
but yeah, i remember, my mind was like, bursting to ask her questions, to talk to her about all this stuff i think about, to fill in these two years that we have missed out.
but you know, i just calmly sat there. we just sat there and watched the rain fall and people walk by. (thats really booky)
tanya tonyu came to us later to talk to joanna. i never knew they were that close. i must admit, i was slightly jealous. at joanna because she was so close to tanya, and vice versa for tanya. it was really unexpected.
i left after a while before the bell rang to leave them alone.
after lunch, i don't know, it was just weird.
we couldn't talk to each other, because it's like, awkward around each other now, especially in front of people who probably noticed that we used to never talk. Especially tiffany whom i haven't told about our 'make up session'.
i mean, i'm probably closer to maybel than her now D:
it's so weird. i mean, i think i've become used to not talking to her now. its just too weird.
AAAAIIIIIISHH.
i don't know what to do anymore.
i never really thought about how we would be friends just like that again.
i guess me and joanna will probably never be the same again.