4:42 PM, Tuesday, May. 27, 2008
So there is much to write lately.
STuff like, literally walking into a pole for the first time. It hurt.
Stuff like, science exam results. A sucky 38 outa 50 (35.5 being average)
Yeah lots of stuff.
But today is the day that Eve lost a precious part of her forever.
I lost Ring.
Remember? The book that Ticky gave me for my birthday last year? Yeah. She run, asked if i read it, then hung up when I said no, and then giving it to me when she came over.
Yeah that book.
I treasured it so much. It was the most expensive present anyone had actually carefully thought over to buy for me, besides my parents.
Yeah, I guess i didn't treasure it as much then.
I at CEntral. Erika gave it to me, after saying jenny told her to give it to me (yeah i lent it to her). Then i got on the train, into the two one seaters and put it down next to my bag. I'm by myslef coz year 10s are on study leave.
Then Adie and Tian Tian sit at the three seater beside me, and invite me. Excited, i join, grabbing my bag.
I vaguely remember this asian woman sitting where i sat, a couple of stations later, while reading my newspaper.
After a while, I realize, i forgot to take Ring with me, across my journey across the aisle. I look around.
Its gone.
Nobody was sitting there. Neither was any book.
I'm depressed.
THe first book that was actually bought just for me (it beat Frances' one by a coupla days) was gone. Forever. No chance.
That orange, 3d-like cover, on a book that was the original version of Ring, is gone. I wanted to keep it til I grew old and died. I wanted to show it to my children. I wanted to watch it fade over time. I wanted to hold it, read it, always remembering that this was the book.
Impossible for that happening now.
I'm a hopeless loser that needs to be more responsible.
Stil. I despise God.
It may sound strange. But its the same as losing someone close to you. Its just, this time its a book. Its the fact that it was once so close to me, and now I'll never see or touch it again, that saddens me.
I should have never mentioned it to Jenny, given it to her, left it next to my bag, left it when corssing over that aisle.
I should have never taken it for granted.
This is so depressing.
Strangely enough, I don't feel that sad. I feel regret of course. Tonnes of regret. And weights in my empty heart. Yeah but. It feels like this is unreal. Too unreal.
I always thought this would happen if my parents died.
If i end up like this when they do, I am seriously an insensitive bitch.
I tried feeling the loss.
I failed.
I can't cry.
I think, maybe over time, when I look back at it from ages away, the tears will start spurting out and falling like heavy rain. I'll start crying when the tears build up and finally let go.
'Til then, all I can do, is linger.
R.I.P Ring
Wherever you are.
Yeah i know it ain't dead. But it matches. 'Rest In Peace' you know.
Anyway yeah. Lets end on a sad note:
Hope that fate will be nice to you, Ring, unlike how it was towards me.
=')
And now i seirously need to shit.