00:39, Sunday, Apr. 12, 2015
Yo.
So my most recent hobby phase thing is getting annoyed at a lot of my friends. I don't even know when or where or how it started but before I knew it, I'd just be frowning at what this or that person just said. And I don't mean to, but I guess I do, because then I feel like I'd be ok with just not talking to this person for the next year or two, and then I just feel bad and confused.
I realised it wasn't what was said that annoyed me but rather that we no longer saw things the same way. And that wasn't because they had changed or our friendship had changed, but because I had changed. Values, perspectives, experiences. I guess you could say I never had very strong ones. Everyone used to be more interesting and I thought we were similar, but really, I was just letting them wash over me with a flavoured rinse.
Anyway it's strange. But now I can sort of see why those people did those things before. Things I couldn't ever forgive but can now understand. It makes me wonder if maybe I'm just the one who's in the wrong, who's fallen behind and just realised the truth now.
I can also see now why I can get along with people I never felt I could before. It's strange.
I really want to go somewhere new.
Do you think one day, within the next decade, I'll be somewhere else, living alone and just passing each day without anything to think of. Do you think I'll ever be able to stop worrying about the future and expectations and judgements and myself and everything that holds me back.
I don't know. Sometimes I just want to get over it. Other times I don't want to, because I feel like if I do I'll just lose a big part of myself.