01:28, Wednesday, Mar. 25, 2015
When I see pictures of pretty girls or celebrities or see girls on Facebook, I'm reminded of all my imperfections--imperfections I have been wanting more and more to just shave off and slice off for $5000.
I think about it so intensely for ages and ages that even I get tired of it. Because some days I end up just falling and giving in to my wallowing and I end up just wanting to kill myself or questioning why I was ever born like this and other ungrateful shit yada yada.
It's difficult because I know it's in my worst nature to do this. It's why I avoid looking in the mirror too long, or taking selfies anymore, or stalking people of Facebook, or idolising pretty faces on Instagram. I try to brush it off and not think about it because I know I'm actually really sensitive to it deep inside. I try to keep the black hole in my soul under wraps.
It sucks. A lot. Of my soul. I wish I could just cut up my face and put it back together again. I think I'll really end up doing it.