19:29, Sunday, Sept. 14, 2014
Sometimes, for a period of time I will entertain the idea of some fantasy hypothetical situation. Similar to how I would always be daydreaming about this story or that happening when I was younger, only on a milder more realistic scale with the strangest extremities. Like a dream you have while you are awake.
Recently I think of being trapped in a white room, with some others, not many but not few. There are no windows, and only one door, and it is entirely white, like a hospital or psychiatric ward or high-class prison, and it's supposed to drive you nuts. You have nothing to do all day except wait and watch and stare at the white walls or the despair on the faces of those around you.
I'm not too sure how the situation came about.It was either a zombie apocalypse refuge, a serial kidnapping by a mental criminal, a mass political illegal secret abduction, etc. etc. There is a camera in the corner watching, though there are possibly blind spots. I'm thinking of all the possible ways to escape alive and sane. There is only one door and you stare and wait.
There are endless questions and unknowns, to prepare for or consider or wonder: what are they doing with us, do they want me dead, how long will I be here, what will happen now? You shiver in fear or anticipation and you want to smile but also stab someone with a pen. Constantly, there is the beat of underlying frustrated hopelessness thrumming under your skin. It's all a lot of thinking and waiting that all you do for now is just sit there with a blank expression so at least no one else can know how conflicted you are.