23:12, Sunday, Sept. 29, 2013
SometimesAll the time it's like I have no idea what I'm doing.
I see people and I'm like yay!
I see people and I'm like nay...
I steal because I hate to pay
Soon I'll think it's perfectly okay
I'm so vain it's gay
Wondering what appearances say...(?)
Anyway.
There are many, many, many little things that make me happy, things like: making presents for others, finding bargains, wearing nice clothes, drinking tea, musings with my brother, etc. etc. the list can go on. I am queen of finding happiness in the littlest of things.
But little things aren't enough.
Because they do nothing for the future.
There is so much I ought to be thinking about, concerning myself over, investing into, and I can feel the importance of it in my bones every single day. Each hour can feel like a countdown. I understand it, I know it, and so I worry as I should over these things I ought to be worrying about because I've yet to do much about them.
And the reason for that is because more often than not I feel like I shouldn't worry about these things. Why should I? Aren't there still many other stupid things I've yet to do before I start becoming a worrying adult?
But perhaps that's what the immature child says when she refuses to grow up.
Often I wish I had a proper severe rebellious stage when I was still in high school and still a minor with so many free passes. Because now when I increasingly feel cravings to just explode on something or someone, I feel like now more than ever is when I should be straightening up and living clean and successful.
It's hard for me to separate the two things when I act and live, so I hesitate and waver. When I see people who can seemingly do both I envy them so badly. Not as much for their likely more adventurous life, but for their ability to just know what they're doing, or if not, then just to trust in tomorrow and believe that another good day will surely come.