15:34, Wednesday, Jun. 26, 2013
Hey.
So Ximia actually came over on Monday, and we swapped some stuff. After going through ins and outs of uncertainty, I now truly believe she will always be a constant in my life. No matter how different we are becoming. Its good to know. I think because we are bound by our past, our understanding and acceptance of each other and our mutual affinity for future outlooks of optimism and sought enlightenment.
Yesterday I went to Diana's place to paint lol I'm pretty sure I wasn't planning on taking it too seriously, but then like with a lot of what I learnt in architecture: it's not something so great that it takes a lot of effort. You just have to start and even if you won't get quality results, you at least spent some quality time.
My painting on the side here.
It looks better from a distance. Di's was really good but can't expect any less. It was fun and I really want to do it again. I think painting just joined the list of stuff I can feel the love for and need to get into sometime in my life. I think Di is also going to forever be a constant in my life. I think because of our overlapping aesthetic interests and our similar accepting stance and interactions with others and the world.
Last night, I met up with Joyce. She introduced me to her old workplace and then we ate Japanese. My friendship with Joyce is funny. I remember at first, I didn't feel as connected to her because she was obviously the loud type and I usually have nothing in common with talkative extroverted people. Later on in my senior years in high school, we found some common interests and I began to view her as a very down-to-earth type of person, and even after graduating, she stayed the same.
Last night though, I felt something strange when I talked to her. Some of our interests were obviously more in alignment than before, which was awesome because I have a billion obscure interests and not a lot of friends. But there was just something that felt different. I guess you can say she 'changed,' but the phrase usually suggests something negative. In a way, it might be negative from my personal perspective if my weird sensations were any indication, but in general, the direction of her 'change' was just her growing up.
Anyway Joyce is perhaps not a constant in the way Di and Pim are, but perhaps and small constant. But the person in my life she reminded me of the most was Ticky. Now that I think of it, I feel like Joyce's altered direction in life has headed in a direction similarly to Ticky's.
I used to think, if anyone, Tiffany would be a dead certain constant in my life after graduation. This is because we have similar interests and we had similar outlooks in life. However, somewhere along the line, I 'changed,' she 'changed,' and it became apparent that we no longer shared outlooks and values, and the common interests holding us together merely made up the minuscule overlapping area of the venn diagram which was the bigger picture of life.
Anyway all in all, Tiffany is no longer a constant in my life. However, I'm not trying to say that being my 'constant' is something to be proud of or awed about, because it's only a word to sort out my feelings. Their lives will go on perfectly fine and who am I to impose, even if I disagree, because they are happy and it's their choice.
And I'm not going to judge who you are now based on the person you used to be, because, regardless of what I want, you are an individual on your own individual path through life and you are still essentially you. A past version of you isn't an entity that you have specifically abandoned, it is merely my memory of you three years ago. You can't return to it, because it's not something to return to. A tree isn't going to start shoving its branch back into its trunk just because it turned out wonky from this direction. So I can't... I can't feel angry at you for changing when there is nothing wrong with it. I guess I can only compare my memories of you and feel sad and wistful.
Anyway.
I think I have one more medium constant, but while that person may have changed, I think the link between us is steady as a rock and won't ever change. It's not a powerful link, a short link, a sweet link or a salty link. It's just a simple, stable, sturdy bond. This is because, there is a distance and there are no strings attached. It's a giant rock along the coast that you have to drive 2 hours to get to, but the water and wind barely affects it and it would take a billion years to even try.
Anyway so there we have it. Constants in all their metaphors and analyses.