1:49 PM, Saturday, May. 15, 2010
People can be so bloody
amazing sometimes.
There are so many things I want to do, I want to do them now, all of them, start things, become things. I feel so inspired and motivated and happy and excited when this feeling comes whenever I find something beautiful, or just plain awesome.
Most of the time, these feelings are pointless, worthless, come at the wrong time, come whenever I procrastinate, distract me from my work, but I feel like every time they come, I grow up a little bit more. I feel centimetre more confident, and bit more independent, a tad more optimistic, overall, a notch or two happier.
Beautiful things make me happy.
Sometimes it's photography--moments captured in a single still, sometimes it's the effort that comes from the thought and love and care (scrapbooking), sometimes it's a single sentence of words that can sum up a whole lifetime of thoughts, sometimes it's the way things have boomed out of nowhere in the most serendipitous ways. Most of all, I love admiring people, people who have dreams, people who have run for their dreams and work towards it. It makes me a bit jealous, but mostly awed.
What admirable people, and yet they're just like you and me.
And so I feel like... maybe I can do something, no, I should do something. Find a dream, it doesn't matter how long it'll last, maybe a week or a bit, but work for it, because dreams... they really are beautiful. It sounds so overrated and cheesy and bullshitty but you can do so much if you have a dream. I think people can achieve so much, people are the most beautiful, the most honest and truthful and most human when they're working for their dreams.
My dream for today slash now: I want to own a business. Start my own fashion label. Became a global pandemic.
Sure I'm interested in fashion, and I love shopping, I love clothes, I love money, I'm a girl after all. But I figured, it's not just about that, it's the feeling of making an independent move, doing something that you alone can do, leaving a handprint in the world, doing something I love, just doing something that can make other people happy.
Yes I'm very inspired and happy today, although I should be studying.
On another note, you know what else I want to do? I want to save everyone. I wish I could. But doesn't everybody? If we could all be happy, ignorant of that empty feeling in all of our hearts, smiling together, wouldn't that be just wonderful? What's the difference between you, me, her, him, them?
I wish it were it were that simple, that we could say a single word and all the unhappiness can be lifted from people's hearts. But what can I do? Whenever I'm with someone, I'm tongue-tied, my thoughts are lost, my feelings not conveyed. I'm helpless. Why is it I can say what I want here, and not anywhere else? I'm still the same person, but somehow when I'm in the moment, I forget everything.
If only we were heroes, then we could save people.
SometimesAll the time, I wonder how one person can be capable of feeling so much. I'm brimming with emotions, as if I'm going to burst into fireworks of rainbows and kaleidoscopes.
If only I could make you feel the same way
. Or maybe you are, maybe we all are, in those little moments in life between time and timeless, we are all the same, we're all living and hoping and... happy.And so it's okay to be down sometimes, to feel as if we're all alone in the world, to feel as if the whole world's against you, to feel as if God himself has abandoned you, it's all okay. Because It's not going to on for forever. You'll have moments in between, fleeting days, hours, minutes or just seconds, when time will surely stop and you can just...feel good.
You can do whatever you want.
Dance.
Sleep.
Laugh.
Cry.
Smile.
Do nothing.
Lie down and just stare and wonder at how brilliant the world is.
Nothing is as bad as it seems. It only takes a single snap of the fingers, that's how long it'll take, for you to suddenly find the missing courage, the lost confidence, the feeling of weightlessness. You might wake up tomorrow morning, feeling entirely different, so who cares. Fret all you want, cry all you want, laugh all you want. Who cares.
I don't know why all these entries that start out short end up super long, and I don't know if I'm writing a message to myself, someone else, or some future being/s like my children, and I don't know what's going to happen to me tomorrow but honestly I can't give a shit right now, and I don't know why all these wonderful a.k.a cheesy lines and words suddenly easily form in my head like a magician pulling an ultra-long, colourful handkerchief from his sleeve, and I don't know why I can never write these self-proclaimed awesome words in my exams, or say them out aloud to the people I want to say them too, and I don't know if this shit even makes sense or if my entire entry is a load of bull that I'm writing just to make myself look cool to whoever will read this which will probably be no one.
I just don't know anything do I?
But who needs answers when you're the hero of your dream?